


Star Dust

by SilentAvera



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Existential Crisis, M/M, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Some Fluff, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 06:46:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17116418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilentAvera/pseuds/SilentAvera
Summary: It's good to exist <3.





	Star Dust

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lanerose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lanerose/gifts).



> For the VicturiGiftExchange2018! For Lanerose :) 
> 
> I hope you like it! X3

The universe! It’s big, and, vast, and super empty. Like, so much space, so much so that objects that take 1 billion lights years to get _across_ can be a billion light years _away!_ Yeah! Within the gulf of the universe are planets, asteroids, moons, comets, stars, galaxies, and everything in-between! All out there, all out in the wide, wide reaches of, _space._ The universe is huge! And for all it’s, _room,_ I am, sitting in a bathroom stall, clutched by four walls, trapped by the thoughts in my head and bawling my eyes out…

I had just flubbed the biggest competition of my career, something I had worked so hard for, something I had been looking forward to _my entire life._ I failed in front of my friends, in front of my family, in front of the most perfect human on earth, Victor Nikiforov, and I’m, _wishing,_ and _hoping,_ and _praying_ that I could just be, _anywhere_ else….There’s so much space in space, and here I am, just a waste of it.

A waste of space!

And my terrible, horrible, no good very bad night is about to get a whole lot worse.

When you’re down and out like this, it’s hard to think of anything else other than the pain, and, and you either succumb to it, or try to escape it….You feel so small and insignificant. Worthless. You don’t see yourself as a fitted piece within a conglomerate of endless possibilities housing a kaleidoscope of potential….you just see yourself as a stain that needs to be removed, and nothing else.

I wished I could disappear. I wished I was never born.

I was so blinded by my grief that I did something I don’t think I can ever forgive myself for doing…

When you’re that far gone, no one can hear you scream; it’s too late.

And yet…

Across time and space, across the entire reaches of the universe, I heard him.

And he heard, _me._

**.**

**.**

**.**

Yakov shook his head, “It’s a real shame, Katsuki has so much potential, it’s just his mind is his greatest hinderance.” He looked to Victor, “That is where you truly excel Vitya, I must say.”

All Victor was looking at was the screen playing Yuuri’s falls over, and over, and over, and over –

“Hey,” Yakov nudged Victor, “Keep your thoughts focused Vitya, I won’t have his faults rub off on you, you can console him after your performance, besides, he’s the type that needs space after a blunder like that. He needs a moment, he’ll be fine, if his coach is keeping his distance, then so should you.”

“….I suppose.”

“Come, you’re up next.”

“Mh.”

As they walked, Victor pulled out his phone, flicking his fingers across the screen till he came to Yuuri’s number, and the only reason he had _that,_ was that wonderful six degrees of separation thing getting cut down to “Oh hey Phichit, can I have Yuuri’s number?”

“SURE VICTOR NIKIFOROV” –

Works every time =w=b.

_Call him._

Victor wanted to, really.

_Call him!_

Victor ever so slightly bit his lip, and put his phone back in his pocket. Then he took his phone right back out and sent Yuuri a text, ‘ _Please give me a call when this is all over, or can I call you?’_ Victor exhaled a sigh of relief for extending an olive branch to Yuuri, but then realized Yuuri doesn’t have his phone number, so this text coming out of nowhere, might, not prompt the best reaction out of him…

Victor sighed through his nose, a feeling, a terrible, terrible feeling bubbled up in his gut…

_*Please Yuuri, you’ll be alright, you’ll be alright….*_

 

Yuuri blinked. He wasn’t in the stalls. In fact, he might not even be on _earth._

One minuet he was a blubbering mess, the next as soon as he stood up, he was, _here._ His tears ran cold on his face as he was in complete awe that he was looking at a galaxy spiral with trillions upon trillions of sparkling stars. He could actually see it _moving,_ he could see the galaxy slowly, ever so slowly, _spin._

He looked down, stars. He looked up, stars. He looked all around, and he, Yuuri Katsuki, was somehow in the depths of space, alive, breathing, and standing amongst the heavens.

“Hello.”

“ACK” –

Yuuri jumped away from the hooded figure that made its presence known by chirping a greeting right in his ear, they cocked their head,

“Oooh, you’re a mistake.”

_“Wow of all the things I needed to hear right now, that really isn’t it ;;n;;”_

“Oh no, _no,_ I mean, it’s a mistake that you’re _here,_ you’re not supposed to be _here,_ people are never mistakes, they’re miracles.”

“Oh…ah….where is, _here?”_

“Here, and there, and everywhere – okay I’m not going to BS you, you’re in space, about 10 million light years from your planet, Earth.”

“Oh….” Yuuri looked around again, here being about 10 million light years from his planet Earth. “Um……How do I get back?”

“Do you remember how you got here?”

“I do not.”

“That’s alright, I can show you a way, but _eeeem,_ it only works if you _want_ to go back, and I can see that, you don’t. You asked if there’s a way back, but I think you’re looking for a, sign, that you cannot return back to, _that place._ Which is very true, you’ve left that self of you far behind, so if you were looking to escape your past, all you had to do was take a step forward. Which you did, so,” the figure tossed their hands up, “Well done!”

“……”

“It’s okay, really, now let’s get you somewhere better, follow me, please.”

So Yuuri followed.

“….Do you know how I got here?”

“I have an idea,” the hooded figure cleared their throat, “sometimes, there’s a little ripple in time and space, it typically happens when a quasar clears its throat, and sometimes, _sometimes,_ the reverberation of such an energetic output can generate a ripple that rips particles of dark matter out of their fabric which creates a tear in time and space, about the size of an atom, in most cases, and that can pull through all sorts of things and spit them out who knows where, when knows what, affecting other particles they come in contact with like a chain reaction, and that creates more ripples that can echo across dimensions, so, in your case, you literally fell through a hole in the universe that just so happened to open up under your foot, and so now, you’re here.”

“What are you?”

“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you…Nah, I’m just kidding” –

“I’m dead, aren’t I?”

“Well” –

“I’m dead.”

“You’re not _dead,_ dead.”

“I died. I died just because.”

“Oh come now” –

“I had the worst day of my life, no one wants me, _I don’t want me,_ and the universe thinks I’m so awful that it erased me.”

“Oh no, don’t think that, you’re not erased, child, if you only knew how much you’re wanted, now come, come, let’s get you back where you need to be.”

Yuuri had stopped following the figure, he instead was looking at a patch of space where no light could be found. It ate everything that came near it, it pulled all of it in. Yuuri was completely entranced by the black hole, and found he couldn’t escape it either.

“No, no, don’t do that, if you fall in there, it will be very hard to get out.”

“Maybe I don’t want to.”

“Do you _really_ want to disappear?”

“Yes.”

The hooded figure threw their head back with a guttural groan, tossing their arms up, “They all say that and oh how they regret it. But” – they looked back down, and Yuuri was gone.

The hooded figure deeply sighed, their shoulders dropping. “Son of a b*tch.”

 

At 8:07pm, Victor knew two things. One, something was terribly wrong, and two, he had to find Yuuri Katsuki, and he had to find him _now_ – as soon as he and Yakov rounded a corner, Victor slipped out of sight as if he had fallen into a crease between dimensions, and hearing Yakov yell at him from beyond only made him run faster –

 _*No doubt he’s in the restroom, locked himself in a stall* –_ as Victor searched and searched for the nearest restoom, the air around him was getting heavier and heavier,

“Yuuri?” he called around every corner, “Yuuri? It’s Victor, I, ooh, can you come out please? Don’t be afraid.”

He heard crying rounding the corner leading to the bathrooms, “Okay, I knew it, there you are, Yuuri! Yuuri? Hello?”

He could hear the crying but couldn’t pinpoint where it was coming from, was it even Yuuri? It sure sounds like him, “Yuuri, please don’t be sad, I just want you to know that” –

_“Victor….”_

It sounded like Yuuri’s voice came from directly inside Victor’s head, he whipped himself all about, and saw Yuuri behind him, but, _he was see-through – and fading further –_

“ _Yuuri?”_ Despite his transparency, Victor could easily tell how hard he had been crying – _“Yuuri?!”_

 _“Victor….”_ Yuuri looked horrified, terrified, _anguished,_ everything awful and sad, _“Victor, I,”_ he choked through his sobs, _“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, this whole time,_ _you always,_ _always…”_ Yuuri reached out, Victor reached out nigh instinctively, Yuuri’s hand going straight through Victor’s – the touch running through Victor’s body like a frost-pitched breeze –

_“YUURI!!” –_

_“VICTOR” –_

Yuuri leapt forward into Victor’s open arms but Victor barely felt the breath from his lips as Yuuri completely disappeared, the wind trailing him piercing through the hole punctured straight through Victor’s heart.

Victor was left reeling, he touched his lips; Yuuri was gone, just, _gone_ – but his breath, his essence, Yuuri’s soul had screamed out images to Victor, imprinting them in his mind, telling him what words could not – Victor desperate to make sense of it all, he saw stars, a hooded figure in light, and darkness, darkness, darkness, darkness – what did it mean? He felt Yuuri’s anguish, his fear, Yuuri was lost, he felt Yuuri made a mistake, and he was lost somewhere, that was him reaching out for Victor to find him! Victor could make no other sense of it, Yuuri needed his help, desperately, of all the people he could have reached out to, Yuuri reached out to him!

*Oh why didn’t I just call him?!* Victor lamented – _this wasn’t supposed to be, it’s all wrong,_ but he can fix it, they’re not supposed to be apart like this,

 

_This was the night we were supposed to get together._

 

Victor was right in reaching out to him, Yuuri just made a mistake – a little mistake, they’re more than competitors, more than skaters, more than two people who, who just really, _really_ like figure skating – !

The double doors burst open, Yakov barreling in –

_“Vitya?! What the hell are you doing?! You’re up now! Get out there now!” –_

Victor pushed Yakov aside, aiming for the door, “None of that matters now” –

 _“None of that matters,_ what, _VITYA!_ _Vitya where on earth are you going?!”_

“I have to find Yuuri!”

 _“Who?_ Vitya, _VICTOR”_ – Yakov grabbed Victor’s arm hard and pulled him harshly aside – forcing eye contact –

“I don’t know what has gotten into you, but you have sacrificed TOO MUCH to throw away your career over, whoever this _‘Yuuri’_ is” –

Victor ripped himself out of Yakov’s grasp, _“He’s the other half of my existence,”_ Victor growled, _“And he needs me!”_

“Existence?! _VICTOR!!”_ Yakov tried to grab him again, but Victor bolted away as fast as he could, his strong legs so conditioned to glide and leap across the ice they propelled him through the halls of the stadium as turned heads and bewildered eyes followed him, calling out his name, but Victor was only listening for one voice and one alone – with Yuuri’s fading touch he knew of his beloved’s devastating mistake and how that disruption in time and space wasn’t going to last much longer – he knew, _he just knew,_ like he was supposed to know – knowledge reaching through time and space to fix a chip in the present, _this must not be,_ this must _not,_ and come hell or high water Victor Nikiforov was going to _fix it – he was going to get Yuuri back!_

Victor pushed through the door to the restroom, and then, darkness. Victor paused, caution screaming throughout every fiber of his being.

_*Be careful….be careful where you step…This must have been what happened to Yuuri, he just fell in here! Don’t worry, don’t worry Yuuri, I’m coming to save you, I’m coming to save you..!*_

Victor rounded what seemed to be an invisible black wall and his mouth fell open.

He was standing under a sun, not the sun from his solar system, a red giant, to be more precise.

“Ah………”

He looked all about, he was standing in space, outer space, under a red giant, just, as one does.

Victor was so mesmerized where he was he almost didn’t hear whistling behind him, he whipped around and saw a hooded figure blowing some bubbles, the bubbles popping and creating swaths of interstellar dust and gas, lovely colors floating about like clouds, but in  s p a c e ~

“Hey! You there!”

“Mh?” the hooded figure looked up, pausing before he painted another swath of colors with the bubbles –

“You there!” Viktor stumbled through the bubbles traveling his way, at least he thought they were bubbles, these round orbs felt like concentrated air swirling within themselves, “Oof, you! Have, oh get out of my way” – Viktor kicked an orb and dispersed it, “Have you seen a Japanese man, about 173 cm tall, wears blue half-rimmed glasses, has beautiful brown eyes, dark hair, he was last wearing his skating gear, and, most likely was crying his eyes out so he has a tinge of blush on his cheeks and nose..!”

“….That is an awfully specific set of features” –

“His name is Yuuri Katsuki and he’s lost! I’m,” Viktor looked all about, “I’m pretty sure he’s lost in here, I have to find him, he needs help, he’s in danger, _I can feel it” –_

“Okay well, before you trample anymore gas giants, could I perhaps ask you to walk, over there?” the hooded figure pointed to a clear path just to the left of Viktor.

“Ah, yes,” Viktor continued to stumble out of the path of the gaseous orbs, dispersing a couple others along the way. Once free, he looked down, his pants specked with their colors. “….Do they stain?”

“Yes.”

“Oh well then,” Viktor dusted himself off, making him look a little more presentable, he offered his hand out to shake the hooded figure’s, “Greetings, I am Viktor Nikiforov, and I am looking for Yuuri Katuski, are you able to help me, or do you know someone who can?”

The hooded figure just stared at Viktor, shaking his hand tentatively “…..You are very adamant to find this person if you came, _here.”_

“Where exactly is _here?”_

“The Outer Limits, The Twilight Zone, Deep Space 9, The Incipisphere, Cher’s Back Pocket, this place goes by many names, personally I just call it The Cradle, but, a more accurate description would be The Void.”

“…Uh huh.”

“I feel bad if this person you’re looking for actually stumbled upon this place. Tell me what you know.”

“I know he was trying to reach out to me, that he was trying to tell me something, and I could see pictures, just images flashing through my head, I saw the stars, I saw you” –

“Ooooh~”

“I felt it was an accident, a terrible accident, and that Yuuri was in so much pain and so full of regret! But then….he disappeared before I could know everything, at least, something that could give me more of a clue how to help him….I remember the feeling, _‘find me.’”_

The figure scratched under their would-be chin, “Interesting, so he just like, disappeared?”

“Right, out of my arms….OH! And then, and then Yakov, my coach, he’s known Yuuri for years on the circuit, but he spoke of Yuuri like he had never heard of him! But I recall him, and I knew, I knew I just had to run to this place! His existence, everything I know of him” – Victor clutched his chest, “It’s all in here….I know there’s a way to help him, to bring him back, _to undo this!”_

The hooded figure tapped the side of their head inquisitively, “….Do you know how many people have cried out into The Void to be given a second chance? _Any second chance?”_

 _“I can do something about it, and I will,”_ said Victor sternly, “I’m going to fix this. I just need to find him, I need to help him!”

“Hm. I, vaguely recall, this ‘Yuuri Katsuki’….yes, yes, it’s coming back to me now….Mh…Tsk, tsk, tsk, this Yuuri Katuski you’re looking for, welp, he threw himself into a Black Hole” –

_“A Black Hole?!”_

“He must have seen through his timeline as his reality was stretched before him, saw the possibilities, and with his last bit of strength, called out to you…He must have loved you dearly if he wanted you as the last image he saw….before the Black Hole tore him apart across space and time.”

Victor felt as if all the warmth he had evaporated, even against the red giant.

“Tore…apart..?”

_“Shredded. Like down to the atoms.”_

“….He’s dead.”

“I would say so, in that instance at least.”

“…He’s gone.”

“Oh no, he’s around, just not together. He is Star Dust, the beginning and the end of us all. No one is ever _‘gone’…_ …Hey. Grief speaks in absolutes, and I can feel it building within you exponentially buddy….I advise to stay away from the Black Holes.”

“…Yuuri…My Yuuri…. _My Yuuri…!”_

“Hey there, easy now, easy, easy, it’s okay, dude just take a moment, or, or you can just, collapse there and cry……(*sigh*)……Hey, listen, I’ll show you how you can find him” –

Victor leapt up, grabbing the hooded figure’s shoulders, _“PLEASE, I’LL DO ANYTHING” –_

“I know you will…..Um...follow me…”

Victor did, he followed the hooded figure through a garden of galaxies, stars, planets, and everything in-between, he looked above him, all around, at the universe at large, and within this realm of the fantastic, despite such devastating news, Victor felt hope, he felt the impossible, possible, he had to believe it, to believe anything else meant the shattering of his heart.

The hooded figure pulled to themselves a floating rocky orb and sat on it, “Moon landing~! Eh-heh, *SCNERK* Moon landing get it…? Yeah, okay that wasn’t that funny” –

“How, do I save Yuuri?”

“Alright, first of all, let me preface, this will not be easy” –

_“I don’t care! I want him back, I knew he wasn’t thinking right, and I just let him slip through my fingers! If I had just, talked to him, said something to him, let him know that it was all going to be okay, that everything would be alright…..! None of this would have ever happened! And…and Yuuri…..He’s still…..He’d think…..”_

The hooded figure sighed, “Dude….I think there’s been enough grief between the two of you to choke even a _super_ black hole, so, let’s get this rescue operation on the way then, shall we?”

_“Please.”_

“You may find him via two ways, one, the hard way, or two, the really, really, really, really, really hard way” –

“I am prepared to do whatever is necessary to save him!”

“Well, to ‘save’ him, you need to learn how to be in two places at once. Since space is irrelevant, and everything, to _be_ two opposing manners of existence, yet achieve harmony to form a structure of matter, that, is the simple part, _believing_ such a thing _can_ be done, that is the hard part.”

“……..”

“Once you got that down, you’ll have to learn how to hear Dark Matter. Dark Matter has many, interesting properties. Too much of it built up in one place can punch a hole through the space-time continuum and allow for some interesting interactions. By your standards this would be something exceptionally rare, but for me, it’s an observance.”

“Okay.”

“Once you got _that_ down, you’ll be able to feel out every atom that made up Yuuri Katsuki.”

“….Every, _atom?”_

“Yes. Once you find them all, you’ll be able to call his soul back…oooooooor, hm, mh, mh, mh, you _cooooooould_ find his soul _first,_ and then his atoms will return to him. But before you can even do _any_ of that, you gotta find something else. Check it, look over there, do you see that large stream of ‘sand?’”

Viktor looked, and saw a river of golden sand swirling all about the cosmos, through a network of constellations, reaching into a bright, bright light beyond, but nearest them, the sand stream was pooling, “…I do.”

The hooded figure handed him a magnifying glass.

“Um, I don’t understand…”

“Use this to look at the sand.”

Victor got down on his hands and knees and placed the magnifying glass close to the sand, “Okay, what am I looking for? OH” – Within each grain, each tiny grain of sand, was a bubble holding a naked human curled up with their knees in their chest,

“That stream is the Paradox Soul of the human consciousness, per say, each grain one choice, one possibility, an individual, each one a splintered fraction of the person that you were and who you will never be, people who lived and yet to live, and all of their splintered fractions too. That sand stream is all of the possible outcomes of someone’s existence! Everyone, and no one.”

The bright light upon which the stream was heading exploded out in a rainbow of colors, scattering the sands across the universe.

“Oh happy birthday,” the hooded figure smiled, “It does that from time to time, but it’ll reform again, another universe was just born, it has to account for that, so the stream repeats as needed, like blood, like the circulatory system of chance.”

“Ah…..”

“You see?” the hooded figure held out their hands as the sand rained down all around them, “Star Dust!”

“Ah…….huh.”

The grains of sand began to swirl into another stream, snaking its way all about – even under Victor’s feet, he heard a crunch – “OH NO” –

“Relax, you’re hurting none. Understand that within the grains are all possibilities, and there, you will find the _possibility_ of Yuuri Katsuki” –

“Oh my” –

“Yes, this cradle, _nursey,_ nursery sounds better mh – you could search for Yuuri _here,_ history will repeat itself, eventually, a cosmic dejavu, Just be aware in your search the event may be the same, but the moment never is, every form of constant is a perpetual cog in the movement,” the hooded figure moved their hand like the ticking hand of a clock, “a moment, within a movement…Time, space, new and old, it is all the same, just recycled, and new, all at the same time!”

Victor understood, nothing. Poor bby.

“Once you find Yuuri’s possibility, the timeline he was born into, you’ll be able to pull him back into your own time….after you get his atoms and soul all back together. The grains run all across the galaxy, so it’s best to just stay here and wait till they come to you….But you know, since the bond between you two is so strong, maybe if you keep calling out to Yuuri, his consciousness, out there, somewhere, might help motivate him to try and find _you._ That would be a big help!”

“Right….so…just find Yuuri…Call out to him….within…all of…this…”

“Yup, just pull him back together! Every little piece of him!”

Victor picked up a grain of sand, not Yuuri, he picked up another, not Yuuri, “Just..,,find….Yuuri.”

Victor took a seat by the sand stream, and began searching through the grains.

One.

By.

One.

As Victor searched, time moved on without him.

Days, weeks, months, years, centuries, millennia, Victor did not age, for he was not a part of any timeline, and his time spent searching for Yuuri, was all his heart could focus on. He was in all places, all places to find any shred of proof of Yuuri’s existence. He could hear a ringing, but it was so quiet that even the smallest shuffle of grain against his finger tips deafened it out.

He could feel, everything, the heat from the brightest star, the chill from the furthest moon, the push and pull of a solar wind, everything, except for Yuuri.

Stars were born and died, and still Victor searched.

The light in the universe went out and came back on, and still Victor searched.

The stream fizzled out then sputtered back to life, thankfully, and still, Victor searched.

Victor heard a whistling coming from his left side, the hooded figure came into view with an armful of comets – they paused mid-walk upon seeing Victor, “Oh hey” –

“Hello there….How, how long have I been searching?”

“Oh…Eons.”

Victor’s head dropped into his hands, the magnifying glass falling into the sand where it disappeared.

The hooded figure set the comets free and made their way over to Victor, “….I told you it wasn’t going to be easy…”

Victor just cried.

The hooded figure patted his back, “You’re admirable for even trying, you know that right?”

“….I just want him back….I had his number in my phone….I could have called him….I could have said, something….I should have….I should have…..I…..”

“You can’t blame yourself for this Victor…he made the choice…..maybe he doesn’t want to be found” –

“HE CALLED OUT TO ME!! I HAVE TO FIND HIM, I HAVE TO HELP HIM” –

 _“You know what? Yuuri needs to help himself first_ …Listen, you need a break. Just take a moment for yourself. You’ve done so much already, you don’t even know, all this time you’ve been looking for him Victor, you’ve been pulling Yuuri toward you, a little at a time, his essence, his atoms, you might not have found any of him yet, but that’s okay, he’s still out there, he’s not gone, in fact, he’s been reborn time and time again” –

“What?! Then how come I haven’t – how come you didn’t tell me?!”

The hooded figure shrugged, “I mean I didn’t want to make you feel worse, Yuuri hasn’t been living the best lives, they’re all, halved, because he missing you, and he doesn’t even realize it, he’s in pieces, he’s not whole, all those lifetimes are fragments of the possibilities that once made him whole. Not to mention, you’re out of the timeline, you don’t exist where Yuuri is, and Yuuri is, well, he’s not where you are.”

Victor just gawked at the hooded figure.

“Not gonna lie, I felt really bad for you two, so I tried to help you know? But every time I got close to Yuuri, he just jumped away. Like he’s ashamed of himself, so I thought, maybe the best course after all was just piecing him back together if he was going to play all runaway, but like the Yuuri _you know,_ not just my idea of him, pbbth, even my idea of him was all ashamed of himself! Like, all I was chasing was his possibilities, I looked through the timelines, I thought of a way to try and bend reality back to the time before Yuuri offed himself, I went through wormholes, I smashed infinity, I divided by zero, and yeah, it’s frustrating, so, ultimately, the best course of action, ultimately, ultimately,” the hooded figure sighed, “is to let Yuuri sort himself out. I think he’s just going to have to pull himself back together….and that….can take a long, long time.”

Victor sniffed, “…What do I do now?”

“First, take a break, then….Here,” the figure pulled out a magnifying glass, two of them, “I’ll help. Keep calling out for him. He hears you. Each piece of Yuuri hears you Victor. The closer he gets to you, the more he’ll hear, and maybe, he’ll finally pull himself out of the funk he drowned in….Have faith in him….He certainly has none for himself….Such a shame…Once this is all over, give Yuuri a good stern talking to! Poor thing. I’m glad you two are soulmates…I don’t think I’ve ever met someone as determined as you to bring the love of their life back.”

“…Soulmates….Love of my life….”

“Oh yeah, totally, I looked through your timelines too, you know just for funsies, _and every, single, one,_ had you and Yuuri together.”

Victor’s heart swelled up with joy and pain.

The hooded figure cleared their throat, “So now I get why the space-time continuum allowed this loophole, this whole moment of a movement to happen, it is a course correction, to put back your cosmic principles. Heh, even the _universe_ knows this is a mistake…Maybe it could throw us a bone here….”

 

Yuuri woke in his bedroom. He has a feeling someone is looking for him. Something. It fills him with fear, and then comfort, but ultimately grief as the feeling would wake him in the night and shudder him in the day. It’s an illness that wastes his entire life away, it’s a grief that cuts his time on earth far too short.

Yuuri woke in his bedroom. He’s doused in a cold sweat, and he utters from his throat, a sound, a croak, a name, _Victor Nikiforov._ He’s completely removed from reality, but he knows, he just, knows, he’ll never meet Victor, he’ll never meet him in a thousand lifetimes because he left reality to find Yuuri, and if Yuuri doesn’t find his way back, if Yuuri doesn’t pull himself together, his scattered remains across _all realities,_ each atom living a life of woe and grief, 7 billion, billion, billion chances all for naught, because he’ll never see Victor again unless he gets himself out of this…..He passes out from the crushing weight of the broken heart in his chest, and by morning, Yuuri has completely forgotten whatever woke him in the first place. He lives another life in vain.

Yuuri woke in his bedroom. He thought of his imaginary friend, Victor whom he had known since a child, his dream as a student, his muse as an adult. He could picture him perfectly, perfectly. If he could ever find a person in world like that, he would marry him. He would marry him on the _spot._

Yuuri woke in his bedroom, old, on the verge of death, it was his chance to go back, and he screamed out into the voice, “VICTOR FIND ME!!!” before his heart gave its last beat –

Yuuri woke in his bedroom. Everything was dark, save for a single, glowing door. Someone was beyond that door, someone who had been waiting a very, very, very long time to meet him. But first, Yuuri had to walk to that door, and for some reason, some silly, inconsequential reason, that was the hardest thing Yuuri ever had to do.

But he did it.

And then he fell.

 

The hooded figure fell back on the grains of sand, “Oh my god, I understand why Yuuri threw himself in that damn Black Hole” – they pushed themselves up upon hearing Victor sniffle, “Oh crap, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make” –

Victor was cradling something in his hands, the hooded figure jumped up –

“YOOOOOOO DID YOU FIND HIM?!”

Within Victor’s hands was a single grain, THE single grain, that held, _“Yuuri,”_ Victor cried, _“And not just any Yuuri, my Yuuri, my Yuuri, my sweet, beautiful Yuuri! I found you….I found you at last.”_

_“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! Geeze that only took an eternity or two!”_

_“It’s okay…It’s going to be okay now…”_ Victor stumbled up, above the crunch of the sand – the hooded figure pulled out a lantern from their robes –

_“Quick! Put him in here!”_

Victor put Yuuri’s possibility speck in the lantern, and the lantern burned to life, set in a blue blaze, the burning ball spinning fast around and around, calling to it points of light from all over the universe, from the timelines, from the most out reaches of _space,_ _of faith_ – and right before Victor, Yuuri Katsuki reappeared in light – a visage of sleep over his face, his limbs limp, Victor dashed forward to catch him before his body could collapse –

_“YUURI!”_

“Awesome! Now let’s get his soul,” the hooded figure pulled out a dousing rod from their pocket, “let’s see, let’s see, oh great, _it’s stuck” –_

“Stuck!?”

“Purgatory, but that’s okay, it happens, anywho – I hate to cut this awesome moment short, but I gotta get you two back _now” –_

_“WHAT ABOUT HIS SOUL?!” –_

“Oh it’ll catch up, this is going to be like shaking a towel loose from dust it gathered, now that you’ve got Yuuri’s body, his possibility, once you’re back inside your timeline, you gotta get Yuuri to remember who he is, or um, it won’t work out too well okay? Just get Yuuri to remember who he is – okay, um, just stand there, like that, okay, okay, okay” –

_“How can I ever thank-you?!”_

“You love this man like he’s the only thing ever to be loved, and you know, love yourself too” –

_“Who are you? What are you?”_

“Hm…I guess the closest thing I could be described as is a riddle.”

“I thought you might be an angel.”

“PBBBBBBBBBTH, anywho, okay now, I have to catch you off guard” –

“Why?”

“I just do, look over there” –

“Okay” –

“Isn’t that such a cool comet?”

“Yeah” –

“HIYAH” – the hooded figure jumped kicked Victor (clutching Yuuri) and he fell back, back, back into the abyss – through a wormhole that shot out through a quasar, face planted into a gas giant – making Victor cough up a storm before he fell face forward onto a marble slab.

Victor pushed himself up, Yuuri was gone, he could hear the roar of a crowd, the crowd from the competition – from the Grand Prix Final! His mind was racing, _*Yuuri, Yuuri, oh god, did I drop him?!*_ _“Yuuri!”_ Victor called out as he pushed himself up, he had to find him, the last place he was, the stall, the stall – he had to be there – _he had to be –_

But before Victor could run in, Yuuri walked out, and walked right through him – Victor froze in his tracks, “Y-Yuuri! Yuuri?!” Yuuri was walking away as if he couldn’t hear him – “YUURI!” Victor tried to grab him but his hand went right through him – and Victor could see it, Yuuri eyes were completely dark, he was fading away – _“No, NO”_ – he had to get Yuuri to remember! To tie him back to this reality – who knows where he would disappear to next!! Victor ran up ahead of Yuuri, but every time he tried to get him to stop, Yuuri just walked right through him – “UGH” – so Victor ran aaaaaaaall the way down the hall, hoping by the time Yuuri had reached him THEN, he’ll have remembered, or, _be gone forever –_

“Yuuri, Yuuri please listen to me!” Victor called out, “your name is Yuuri, Katsuki, you’re a figure skater, a world renowned figure skater, you’ve skated in competitions all over the world, you’ve captured the hearts of millions! You, you like katsudon, _oh you love katsudon,_ and you like gaming, and you have, heh, tons of posters of me up all in your room, you’re shy, and quiet, and kind, and so, so, so, so, so, sweet…Do you know where we are now? Do you know what his place is…? Can you hear my voice – you must be able to, this is the Grand Prix Final Yuuri! This the Grand Prix Final that made you, lose, whatever piece of yourself you had left” –

Yuuri stopped, he winced, and began to fade faster –

“No, NO – Yuuri, you have to remember, you have to remember, the good with the bad, but here’s the thing, you don’t have to remember alone, you don’t have to shut yourself off in a stall, you don’t have to be afraid of those memories anymore Yuuri _because I’m here with you now,_ I’m here with you now, _and I will always be here with you now…!.”_

Yuuri was still fading –

_“Yuuri, Yuuri please, please stay, please stay, please, please, don’t go, don’t go…you’re not alone, you were never alone, not in this life, or the next, or the one after that – I’m here with you Yuuri, and I’ll always be here for you!”_

Still Yuuri was fading…what more would it take?!

And Victor realized, this is how much Yuuri hates himself. This is how much Yuuri hates himself if his soul is still willing to toss aside his manifestation into the abyss.

His soul is stuck, what would it take to move it?

Victor got down on one knee. He still knew how to be in multiple places at once, he still knew how to hear the hidden signals of Dark Matter, he just had to believe, he might be back and grounded in his own timeline, but he still knew the essence of the knowledge the hooded figure taught him, he had to believe the impossible was possible, that all interlocking moments are movements to a greater divine interpretation of existence – and whatever was standing in-between him and Yuuri, was non-existent.

Because together, they were their own universe of exciting impossible probabilities, and Victor was about to make the movement in the moment, _real,_ because their constant in all realities, _was love._

“Yuuri, I love you. I’ve loved you since before the heavens caught fire and the ground was melded together, I loved you then, I love you now, and I will love you till the last fleeting speck of light crosses the infinite bosom of space.”

Yuuri blinked.

“I’m going to ask a very real possibility of you now Yuuri, I’m going to ask you, _to love yourself._ To love yourself and be with me. Love yourself, and let’s go home, love yourself, and let’s go get dinner, let’s go talk a walk, let’s go watch a movie, let’s go get married! Let’s go skate! Love yourself Yuuri, you have so much to offer to yourself, you deserve to be happy, you deserve the chance to be, so, so, so…happy…and together, I’ll remind you, ever day, _of how happy you make me.”_

A breath escaped Yuuri, he was almost gone – Victor could barely see him – Yuuri’s eyes cleared – they leapt towards each other –

_“YUURI!!”_

_“VICTOR!!”_

And this time, their bodies made contact, Victor, Yuuri, each of them holding each other so hard, so tightly, they lost balance and stumbled down to the floor – Yuuri was completely solid, he was back, _he came back!_

_“Yuuri, Yuuri, oh my Yuuri, oh my sweet silly, silly, Yuuri” –_

Yuuri’s garbled cried was just that in the nestle of Victor’s chest

“Oh Yuuri, how could you ever think you were a waste of space, waste of time?” Victor cried, “No, no, no my love, never think that again, never think that again” –

“You found me, you found me,” Yuuri cried –

“Of course! If I had to I would tear the heavens apart to find you!”

In-between his tear ridden words Victor peppered Yuuri with kisses, _“Never, never do that again! Throwing yourself into a black hole?! Come to me! Always come to me! I love you, I love you, I have always loved you and I always will!”_

Yuuri cried and cried and apologized profusely, _“I’m so sorry, I’m sorry, I know, I know, I know now, I’m so sorry, you saved me, you saved me!”_

Victor’s lips finally scorched Yuuri’s and they kissed passionately, locked on one another, hands grabbing whatever they could of the other, they couldn’t be closer, and yet wanted to be one, never to part again – Yuuri breaking their contact to gasp for air –

_“You loved me, all this time” –_

_“I’ve loved you before you even came to be” –_ they locked lips again –

“VITYA!! YUURI?! ENOUGH! YOU BOTH ARE AT A COMPETITION!”

The couple broke their kiss as an extremely flustered Yakov was ready to grab both of their ears –

“YUURI YOU’RE UP! CELESTINO IS TEARING THIS RINK APART TO FIND YOU!”

“I, what?”

_“Unless you want to make it easy on the other competitors, by all means stay then!”_

“I have a second chance,” Yuuri breathed, “I have, oh!”

“Go my love,” said Victor cupping Yuuri’s face, _“Go show them who you really are.”_

 _“Watch me, watch me tell the world what love can do”_ – they kissed again before Yuuri bolted off to his performance.

Yakov walked up to a completely love-struck Victor, “…….Sssssssssssoooooooo, (*ahem*) when, when did that start?”

Victor lovingly sighed, “Since the beginning of time.”

Yakov could not roll his eyes hard enough, he could _not –_

“Come!” Victor chirped, “We are going to witness the most beautiful program in all of skating history!”

Yakov grumbled the entire time in following a bouncing Victor up to the rink, “After Katsuki’s earlier performances, I sincerely doubt that.”

Victor saw Yuuri get a quick pep talk from Celestino, and then skate out to the center of the rink to take his position at the center of the ice, holding himself in fourth position….

“This is Yuuri Katsuki, skating his free program to _‘Goodbye To a World’_ by Porter Robinson.

As the music trickled in, Yuuri’s movements began with his hands, he was miming the emptiness that surrounded him, the space, space, and with a small kick out, he slowly was skating backwards –

“Yes, this opening is a little slow, but look at the _emotion_ on this face, he is selling us that he an astronaut lost, adrift in space, amazing” –

Yuuri began repeating a wave in his hands in time with the repetition of the song’s opening, the wave spreading from his finger tips, through his wrist, through his arm, through his chest and shoulders, till his whole body turned as the song’s synthesizers stretched their melancholy notes, his legs pushing himself out to gather up speed, Yuuri dazzling the crowd with long languid spins that carried him all across the ice, turning faster and faster – till the first crescendo hit where Yuuri stopped on a time on his skate –

_‘Thank-you, I’ll say goodbye soon,_

_Though it’s the end of the world, don’t blame yourself, now_

_And if it’s true, I will surround you…and give life to a world_

_That’s our own’_

“Oh I just love these lyrics, god, and Yuuri is just, he is the man on the moon, he is Captain Kirk, I mean if he was a figure skater, OK now get ready folks, as this song picks up, we’re going to see Yuuri launch into the stratosphere!!!”

“So dramatic, I feel like he really was lost in space” –

“His movements are way, way more relaxed, it’s almost as if he’s a completely different skater – !”

“This is not the same person as yesterday, who is this” –

As soon as the music’s tempo shot through the roof, Yuuri entire demeanor went from fear to determination – and the speed of his movements, his skating, doubled, and speeding up further, so much so that his limbs were almost a blur – a jump – !!

“A QUAD AXEL UM EXCUSE MISTER KATUSKI WHAT, WHAT” –

“MOM WHAT” –

“Okay, okay, little wobble on that landing, but that’s probably because of his amazing jump height! He’s on cloud 9!”

“Ground control to Major Tom, Yuuri is soaring!”

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA LOOK AT THAT INA BAUER” –

“OH MY GOD YUURI, WAIT, UM” –

Celestino’s mouth dropped, “He’s, he’s completely changing his program! He’s making it up as he goes!!!”

Victor clapped his hands together jumping up and down as the audience was getting more and more excited by the second, “THAT’S IT YUURI! THAT’S IT! KEEP GOING!!! KEEP GOING!!!”

The crowd was completely losing their shit as Yuuri nailed jump, after jump, jump, a triple loop, triple lutz (little wobbly but landed), and then a quad loop (WITH HIS ARMS UP), the high tempo of the song was relentless, there was no time to breath, regardless, Yuuri landed them all –

Yakov’s mouth dropped to the floor, “When, when did he learn that element!?”

Victor was beaming, just beaming, watching Yuuri throw every negative thought that plagued him out the window.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA UGH GOD WHY COULDN’T HE HAVE BEEN THIS GOOD YESTERDAY??? YUURI!! YUURI YOU’RE GOING TO GIVE A WORLD RECORD FREE SKATE” –

“Even if Yuuri keeps up this momentum, at best he will manage fourth place after his disastrous short program, regardless, this is Yuuri’s message to the world, LOOK OUT~! I am Yuuri Katsuki, and don’t count me out just yet!”

“Oh yes, GOD HEAR ME – I hope this isn’t a fluke, I would love to see this energy come Nationals and Worlds! Oh Yuuri Katsuki, whatever happened to you during the time between the Short Program and now, I hope it stays with you forever!”

Yuuri went into a cascade of spins, seamlessly leading into one another as the song was finally slowing down, Yuuri matching the rhythm, slowing incrementally, and although the song ended ominously, and Yuuri in a collapsed pose on the ice, Yuuri couldn’t hide the smile on his face that just gave one of the best performances of his life.

*Goodness…..so that’s what that feels like….that’s what it feels like….to take my happiness back…..*

Yuuri sat up, the crowd absolutely roaring in approval, they were chanting his name, they were so, so happy for him! For all the praise he was receiving, all the eyes of adoration, Yuuri was only seeking out one pair, just one….

When their eyes met, the ice underneath Yuuri twinkled like starlight. It was just the two of them within their own little world, the two of them within the vast reaches of their own AU.

Then it was the two of them on the podium (a surprise third place for Yuuri!).

Then it was the two of them at the banquet.

At the hotel.

At the airport.

And then it was just the two of them in their apartment.

They were inseparable as a constellation.

The both of them were laid back on their couch, Yuuri laying on top of Victor, the TV was on in the background, mainly for white noise.

“ – Astronomers today discovered a new gaseous planet with cloud markings that, one could make the assumption of a face, with blue eyes!”

“Also a new comet in orbit around the sun was discovered, a competition to name the new astral body to our local solar family is underway” –

Yuuri smiled against Victor’s chest, “Hmmm~ What would you name it?”

“Oh, easy,” Victor smiled, “Yuri on Ice.”

Yuuri snorted so hard in to Victor’s chest that he wheezed for breath –

“What? It’s a good name! You’ll be immortalized in the heavens!”

“Like your face on the gas giant?”

“I wasn’t aiming for it, I fell through it! And those things stain you know” –

Yuuri giggled, “I don’t need to be immortalized in the heavens,” Yuuri pushed himself up to look his love in the eyes, “With you, I’m already eternal.”

Victor ran his hand through Yuuri’s hair, Yuuri sighed against his touch.

“Thank-you Victor…thank-you…for everything….” Yuuri’s eyes were shining, “I’m so happy to be here. I’m so happy to be alive.”

Victor smiled back, his eyes shining just as much as their lips drew close, “I’m happy you’re here too.”

.

.

.

So yes! The universe is vast, and empty, and, full of mysterious stuff like a hooded figure doing god know what up in the stars! That’s fine! There’s so much to worry about, there’s so much to just cloud my mind that it’ll take a star fleet just to navigate to the nearest positive thought!

But I’m good now. I am. I just need to understand one thing. That for all the infinite, endless possibilities of realities, and universes, and existences…you matter.

I matter.

We, matter.

You _are_ matter!

You're supposed to be here!

You have a purpose, you belong. You are supposed to _be._ You might not see the big picture now, but, neither did the Star Dust that made you.

It’s good to exist <3.


End file.
